HOW TO FIT A BRA

Ladies, and Gents for your ladies, pay attention.

1. The number in the bra size is the measurement around your rib cage. ie, 28, 34, 38...

2. The letter in the bra size is the size of the boob cup. The cup size changes with the rib cage size, so the cup on a 34C is equivalent to the cup of a 36B.
If the cup fit you before, and you go down a ribcage size, go up a cup size. ie, 32C --> 30D
If the cup fit you before, and you go up a ribcage size, go down a cup size. ie, 36C --> 38B

3. The back of the bra should go straight across your back. If it is being pulled up on an angle it is too big for you. Get a smaller rib cage size. ie, if you are normally 34, get a 32

4. The bra should fit at the loosest clasp when it is new, so that as the fabric stretches out it, you can continue to adjust it to fit you. If it does not, get a smaller rib cage size.

5. If your bra has underwire the metal part that curves up between your breasts should be resting against your ribcage. If it is gapping, you need a bigger cup size. ie, 30C-->30D

6. Your breasts should fit neatly in the cups. If your boobs are spilling over slightly like a muffin topping (even if it's doing it by the end of the day, and wasn't when you first put the bra on) get a bigger cup size. ie, 34E -->34F
If the cloth is gapping, get a smaller cup size. ie, 38B-->38A

7. A lot of ladies have one breast that is slightly bigger. Your bra should be able to accommodate your fuller size while meeting all of the requirements above.

If your size is not one that is made in the usual one-size-doesn't-fit-everybody it can be a real pain in the ass to find bras that fit you. But they exist! Look your size up on the internet, or go to a fancy bra store. To have a bra that fits is totally worth it, it is HEAVEN.

time has been scrunched

Oh my, does it seem a little early to anyone else that the big pine tree in the park has christmas lights up already?
All seasons will now happen at once.

puddle-luscious

I saw something fabulous today. It was a very small child standing in front of a very deep puddle. She was in a bright red raincoat and boots, and her mummy was imploring, "No, don't jump in there. Those aren't the right boots for it..."
"Come on, go around," her mummy's friend chimed in, "If you don't, the water will soak right through your boots and your feet will get all wet."
"And then you won't be able to wear those boots again." Her mummy added.
The girl remained staring solemnly at the puddle.
Her mummy caught my eye as I stood watching and laughed, narrating, "Will she go to the side of good? or to the side of evil?"
After a while her mummy said "Do you want to put on your shoes and jump in the puddle?"
and a very small voice said " 'es."

Creepy the Creepy Creepster

I dislike creepy people. A man grabbed me today, told me he belonged to Alcoholics Anonymous, and then followed me into the library. The conversation went something like this:
Him: "Let me take you out for coffee."
Me: "No thank you."
Him: "Then let me give you my phone number, and I'll take you out later."
Me: "But I probably won't call you."
Him: "Why not?"
Me: "I don't like the telephone." (This is not a lie. I'm not a huge fan. I try not to lie.)
Him: "Well then I'll wait for you outside by the tree and I can take you out for coffee when you leave. I don't have anything I need to do today."
Me: "What a shame! Why not?" (bright sunny smile)
Him (stroking my face): "You have a nice smile"
(did I mention creepy? creepy.)
Me: "Thank you. I don't go out with people I don't know."
Him: "Then how will you get to know me?"
Me: "Well, I probably won't"
Him: "Don't you like making friends?"
Me: "I don't make friends with people I don't know."
Him: "You don't like making friends?"
Me: "Not to people I don't know."
Him: "Here." (he grabs a paper and writes down his number) "Don't throw it out. After all you never know."
Me: (raises eyebrows)
Him: "After all, you're not married yet."
Me: "No. Not yet."
Him: "Goodbye."
After he left I slunk down in a library chair and read my book and snuck squares of chocolate into my mouth from my bag. For ages, in case he decided to carry out his threat of waiting for me by the tree.
Less persistent than some, less easily dissuaded than others. In all respects, entirely distasteful.

talents (and other things) revealed!

I had a lovely visit to the beach today. Mainly uneventful, except when I pulled on the string of my bikini bottom and accidentally mooned as much of the beach as happened to be looking that way at the moment.
I am a genius at creating silly mistakes.

Who Uses Words Like That?

My breasts have been rather overenthusiastic lately. They may be growing or some such, but in any case it is rather annoying. However, it did lead me to say (to myself, in my head), a phrase which made me laugh for a good five minutes (at myself, in my head). It was this "Hello my jubblies, how are you doing? Still in your hot mama casings?"

***
only a few days later I thought of them as my gargantuan mammary glands. I am euphemistically enthusiastic.